Some things are just less likely than others...

...Jonathan Winters once said. As well as, unknown, that time is flying too fast that we forget how old/young/wise/blind-folded, we are.
My father, genius and my love, an incredible man, that anyone can learn a lot from, is having operation this Friday. I don't know why I'm twriting about this, maybe as I found myself as not 'spring-chicken' 'anymore' - words of a guy named Peter (28, programmer with wife, kid etc., and who had flight with me from east cost of USA to Paris) after long self-relevation, he said one general truth: "Life is too short". Which, brought me back to reality today when I heard from my dentist specialist some not that pleasant news. As we thought that we are strong in our early 20's, and so wise and 'noone can't beat us' in the second half of the decade, I just stopped myself where slips through our fingers and vice versa We are /some of us/ not aware how fragile and small we are.
Needed.
This one below with credits of the author.

singing back..

aha, and downloading drivers for my new hardware, and singing. searching.
all in the cloud of vanilla aroma-sticks.

it is lovely...

...when you , in the middle of your work, recieve a text message from someone just to check if you are o.k.

girls, watch out: google maps

ok this is wierd, but my good friend (i call him srb.lebowski) is very funny guy. actually i found out this morning that he is so geek geek that i was laughing out loud. it is 10 am european time , -9hrs west coast time and here how conversation went:

he was waiting for me to wake up so he can tell me 'the happy news":
- i downloaded Google Maps for TREO
and it worksss
(lot of smileys)
+ great, superb, superb

me: eh, you are geek.
he: hey, it has live traffic!!!
oh, super!!!
me: yesterday i detected my building at Maps.
he (not listening ): this is what i was looking for, yeeeeah!!!!
this is great!!!!
me: what is great?
he: do you know how much i needed ...
well, when i drive..
now i know where is traffic-jam
me: why don't you buy gps?
he (continuing his story): ...to avoid highways
why? why? this is free...
me: why are you so happy?
he: it works, works, works so nice:))
hahahahahha
(he seems very very happy, i wonder what does his wife say?
probably she is off this story so he came here to tell me)
...continuing:
it is super!!! it has directions.
me: you geeks, are all the same.
he: sorry, i noticed you
me laughing
'what did you notice, you are just talking about it?
he: directions are so cool,
you dont' even know how happy i am now.
and continues:
'now i cannot get lost'
(see, see, this is the common sentence:))
me: and until now you could get lost somewhere without it..?
you're funny as a theatre , i said.
he (doesnt listen): and there is "find nearby business"
this is hilarious!~!!
and there's satelitte view, yessss!!!!!
me: is there any other additional things ? are you happy now?
he: yessss, very happy
me (now the sarcasm speaks): are you so happy that you're in ecstasy? near orgasm?
he: hahahahahaha, yes
me: omg + (thinking -better for you to go to bed, and be happy to your wife)
but i kept silence, as he's my good 'from the old time 'friend.
and i asked again if there';s any new 'thing' inside the Maps,
he kept repeating the same things all over and over
until he all of the sudden stopped and the converstion led to some other
directions, but google maps.
after when i asked him about geeks, he denied that he is one:))
adding that he can talk about anything and knows about many things
more than average male person, everything but female make-up.

no comment.

looping

during your 20's you are full of energy, you want to conquer the world, you think you know everything (the most of the issues you know, but...) , you fly too high, you are on the top of the world, multitasking, from one 'pond'to the 'other', life is so easy, you jump in the winter to the cold ocean, run into the skies in the summertime, go out at 1 am to look for the stars and listen to the sound of silence, make wonders, events, projects, have your equipe, your life, or at a time you share a life with someone, and everything seems great when things start to fall appart.
many things became vague. difficult.
and then one day...approaching to your 30's, you suddently burn out (if not before, you are lucky).
yes, you are wise, sage, you know who you are/where are your limits/what do you want from life, you've been there-done that. if you are lucky and have great best friends (your parents who are not there, but are there when needed/alert situation), people are strange you realize, also selfish, and more than that (see Animal farm-Orwell). and all familiar faces became distant and unfamiliar, close(r) to you are not there/doesnt want to understand, those who are far away are not here (ironic)/doesnt or cannot understand you.
you are in the loop.
the question is how to get out?
it is not easy as one may think.
it is not about taking one leg and then the other out.
no, no:)
you think it is, but in practice is much complicated.
events/surrounding/people/inner-self/time&place/all do that.
facades/layout/interface/looks/fat/slim/ do it.
media/people/media/people/institution/politics do it.
and you are responsible for that.
one expereince loop in a lifetime
one - never.

love (in broader or narrow sense, or however you want to interpret it).

tonight on loop: nina simone & don't let me be misunderstood

terrible cook

this is X-time that i put organic rice to cook and it is again the same story (always with rice): i put a lot of water (each time thinking: yes, it will need time to boil and all until i do some toher things) and then i go back to my notebook and work, and listen and read, and then all off the sudden, first sensation is smell. i run to the kitchen and each time i see familiar scene: curtain of grey cloud and smell of burned rice, and my dish is always ruined (apporx. i buy each month a new one). and i am so bad in this 'rice thing', i will never ever be a good cook.
my friend from the upper floor came down to see whats going on -seems that the whole building thought i made a fire in my kitchen. i am quitting cooking and go back to cybercooking.

i am a..

...a geek girl and i am proud of it.
it is 2.40am and i confesss now and here (under stomach influenza) that i gave a training lecture on course on Dream Weaver, 4 years ago, at University of Minnesota, and i have got after one class, from the IT professor, as a good teaching assistent, T-Shirt and small car, all from Geek Squad, This came up this early to my kind this morning/night. wahtever.
Roots...:)


p.s. the car was fake (paper car,though i liked them)

"A geek understands the feeling and thoughts of computer and video games characters but not always feelings of real human being."...

...was the sentence that my male friend (totally sport, plus member of Mensa) told me two days ago. then i thought that he must be a geek, who would be obssesed with IQ scores , running for miles and miles and i realized: there are normal people and geeks. i am not normal, i guess:) therefore, i am a geek. but not real one. i am fake geek. though i am not a programmer, i am not familiar with 1000 tech. issues (though some of them). people usually reffer geeeks with IT area (false). Then, the other day here's what my friend told me in girls chit-chat coversations: " I was dating a geek. Actually several geeks. Two of them - geeks on architecture (total geeks). First was arty, and the second architecture geek guy , was total nerd but kind guy, plus obssesed with video games. Then, came real geeks: computer science geeks, programmers - those are the most dangerious < i laughed when i heard this story, but i had total empathy for this>. So, i used to date, and later on, live with one so called 'shark' geek/big nerd (worked in sillicon valley, in big coorp. google, microsoft, etc.), who didn't dettached from his devices even when we would go out , either during the day or night. He had his electronica body music, whatever, which was not torelable for the ears and the great wonder was when i put him on my 'records' my french music and rock, indie, alternative and even pop. It was frustrating and when we would go everywhere (in plane, on beach, at coffie shop, in lounge bar etc) he would take his new gadget (pocket pc with phone, or gps so 'we wouldn't get lost' in 'very familiar and well-known paths and highways), and then one day i realized that i am living with a numb (and obviously dumb person, beacuse thousands diplomas and references cannot buy you brain and heart-if you don't have one). His de-bugging in front of the screen very late at night for weeks, months became obssesion - as it was a part of his lifestyle, and when 'bugs' became more important than moi, I broke up with him."
I just kept silence and drifted somewhere away without listening the rest of the post-break up story with that geek. I do not want to believe that all the geeks are like the mentioned guy, as i have few good friends who are into CS field, and know everything about computer. And when I need some expert help from them, and I am thankful for that -even they call them geeks, they are great guys. And most of them like to drink beer.
yes, one of them was my ex , and ex, and ex and ex:)
not that bad for the non-geek girl wannabe!

:)

i do believe in angels
sounds irrational, but they exsist.

my favourite is cassiel

all i need

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that's all folks.
all about girls talk.


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all.

a teese(er)

i was great this morning by getting up at 7.30am (and going to bed at 11.30pm) instead of many night/dawns - going to bed at 3, 4, 5 am, and waking up at 9, 10 am. no can do it. anymore. yesterday i decided to change the tide and it feels good. you meet the sun.
it is cold and sunny (but colder inside), that i 'm gonna lose my nose (almost). as i try to cure myself with own cuisine (garlic, organic bread, vegetables and a bit of proteins), i found out talking with my girl- friend (this is girl talk blog, isn't it?) about perspectives. in life and general.
over the kitchen desk philosophy on media, media phenomenologyst, feminism ( i hate that word and whatever it is about), us of a: yes, me -> no, and nepotism/protection/laisons inside of getting a role for theatre show, for shooting a film, for having connection for every area of work. another girl- friend is calling for help as she need (she is super ambitious) eBooks on research methodology (that , oh wonder, i may have -yes, remember those times) while studying phd course Research Methodology at dr.prof. S. Uh, hm, yes, suppose, was long time ago, but she ruined my expessing the 'feminism' today (read: irony). but i browsed my C and E and found it. anyway, just got text message from my post-graduate student/cannot make to come to class today/ bad - no money today. odd.
i shall get back to my business. shall i make a fiesta by the end of this month? shall i call a band to play a music? shall i.. : NO.
just want to...moving keep on moving (singing in myself).
these two girls know to have fun (dita & scarlet)

concentration and distractions

When a girl doesnt get enough sleep, she feels like a zombie all day and cannot do anything properly - except to turn on and off washing machine. everything go wrong: words, typos, communication, priorities, sleep crises during the day, thousands thougths : what if...
..and eyes start to hurt, you see dots (too much screen/ing/), restlesness comes along, doing nothing and everything, waiting to pass another day - because tomorrow is another day, brand new..and everything will come to its place: she will get up properly all cheered , go outside to the griceries, start her work, do all things she usually do BUT with total dedication and concentraion. Otherwise, she listen Franz Ferdinand, eats randomly, talks too much on the phone and writes a lot - a big escapade (an excuse) not to work what she has to.
Wise man would say: don;t push into the river, wait another day, it will be better, but in all that nervious state of body and mind you make some mistakes (logistic -> semnatic), and your day is already an evening.
Time for work or sleep? Or just another 'awakening' to work until 2, 3 am?
This is going to change. Mondays are made for that.

I take two yin-yang balls (those who are familiar with chinese culture) , a chinese guy told me its for circulation, against stress and coordination for hands, ok, i tried them. Mine are metal-silver yin-yang balls medium size for my palms. There are also Lavander scent sticks, no doesnt' help, Bergamot oil is great for concentration and for relaxing, but now its too late. Or maybe its early.

Here comes email from the peers (of of the main people) from the other side of the pond.
Over and out.

geek or non a geek?

when it comes to words, many people define them as they want, think, percieve.
geek in a positive conotation and geek in some other, in some pejorative tone.
i was astonished on 'turbo geek'. i wonder do they ever sleep?
when do they sleep, eat, go to bed, go out for a walk?
where is the fine line between a geek and net addict?

i could never talk about this with my girl-friends as they /hardly understand, what it means to be a geek or to be with a geek. so, i talked yesterday over the pond with my friend, manager friendly geek @ Nortel, and he told me that geek is not neccesseraly bad person, as i know that by myself, living for awhile with one of them (difficult and nervious and romantic). so , my 'over pond' friend, told me (he is a big hiker and interesting person), that - e.g. he is a geek but he is in the second group of geeks - smart, well-informed but also broad-minded, curious for other things than computers, and romantic. and added: i am not difficult.
as good part of my life i am surrounded by geeks, in virtual and real life, i am lucky to know those positive geeks who wouldn't 'cheat' their girlfriends on some 'matching' web site 'telling lies' on single status and so...
the last one was of of those from the first group of geeks.
bad.

i'll stick to the second group as I, multitasking (in quitting this bad habit) woman, can learn a lot from them as well as there is always a little kid hidden inside of them.